Koko wa Tokyo ja nai desu. (This isn't Tokyo.)

Wrapping it all up

2008-04-18T22:04:00.004+09:00

Hi, again!

I should warn you right now, this is going to be one of the longest entries I've written in a while...but it'll be the last long entry from me that you ever read in this blog. This is kind of where it all culminates.

That last post had been sitting there for nearly a month, collecting dust. Luckily, I'd nearly finished the recap already, so all I had to do was recap my 30-hour travel day, though I did leave off the awesome flight attendant on the Denver-Atlanta commuter flight who really had fun with her job and threw around little quips like:

"The cabin lights will soon be dimmed to enhance the beauty of our flight attendants."
"If there is a change in cabin pressure, oxygen masks will drop from the overhead panels. If you are seated next to a child, or someone who's acting like a child..."
"Thank you for choosing United Airlines out of all the bankrupt air carriers out there."
"We'll soon be coming around to collect trash, empty cups, (lists a few other things), credit cards..."
"Please take out the safety information card from your seat pocket and pretend to follow along. This will be your only inflight entertainment, so please watch closely!"

If I weren't so jetlagged and wavering between misery and panic over the rather expensive and fragile doll I had to check in, I would've enjoyed it a lot more.

But I've now been back for nearly a month now. Man, how time flies! I've been pretty busy ever since I got back--playing catch-up at work, then moving into my own place (I walk to work every day! SWEET), now settling in and buying furniture and getting out and being social, and (as of today) wrapping up work on a big and visible project I'd been slaving away at for the last two weeks.

Oh yeah--I also got my first ever kanji tattoo request, passed on by a very embarrassed coworker of mine. The request was for a tattoo "in Chinese or 'Asian'" of any of the following:

Black Prince
All Man
Total Man

Uh...yeah.

After I stopped laughing, I sent my colleague a link to Hanzi Smatter to pass on to this guy. It was the most tactful answer I could think of.

Despite my busy schedule, though, I've also been putting off updating because I just wasn't sure what to write here. I knew that this trip would be the last major thing to report in this blog, and the task of drawing to a close (I hesitate to say "ending" or "finishing") the blog chronicling the most unforgettable two years of my life is really, really daunting.

One thing I can say, though, is that I've noticed a marked difference in my attitude and viewpoint since the trip. I'd hoped for this to be a really sweet epilogue, and I'd hoped that this would give me the closure that the end of my JET contract--a pretty abrupt end for any JET Programme participant, no matter how you slice it--unfortunately did not.

And this trip did not disappoint. It was the perfect epilogue, the perfect way to achieve closure. It was as fulfilling as I could have hoped, and I have no real regrets at all. For every former JET who really misses Japan and the people you've met there, if it's within your means, take a trip back within a year or two, to see JET and Japanese friends. Do it!

Every single day, some tidbit of my life in Japan comes to mind. (I also now use my futon set, as well as the circular paper lamps from Loft, so in their own way, they're constant and quiet reminders.) But now my thoughts are fond memories to brighten my day, not emotionally weighty recollections.

And I'm no longer insecure about all this "successor" business. Life goes on. The only people shocked to see me were the ones who had no idea that I would be there--I got a very warm welcome from everybody, even passing acquaintances around town.

And you know what else? The farewell I received from my junior high this time was what I'd hoped for when I left last year. Even the welcome I received was surprising--teachers I wasn't even all that close to greeted me warmly, one even clasping my hand in hers in a surprisingly emotional show and telling me how moved she was that I would come all the way back to visit Ikeda.
Upon my final exit last August, the room was mostly empty due to club activities, and nobody, not even I, realized that it would actually be my last time there before my departure, so all I received was a distracted "otsukaresama" and a couple of smiles...but temporal hierarchy seems to surpass emotional intent, and I regretfully do have stronger images of that final afternoon than I do of my own emotional farewell ceremony, which had occurred several weeks earlier, though I don't mean to cheapen how emotional that ceremony was.

But now, my freshest memory of my junior high now is the vice-principal warmly inviting me to come back to visit as often as I wanted (I only wish I could, but the school will shut down before my next trip back), and all the teachers--all of them--standing up and smiling warmly and bowing. That alone made the money I shelled out for my plane tickets worth it.

My being gone doesn't mean I've become inconsequential to them. Didn't my eikaiwa ladies constantly give me updates on what my predecessor Dave and his family were up to? (Shizuko even continued to update me during this trip.) How many ALTs were there in Ikeda, in Miyoshi-gun, in western Tokushima before him? That didn't bother me at all, that they kept referring to my predecessor. It didn't mean they were hung up on him to the point of distraction when it came to me. And my being gone doesn't mean that I was any less a part of their lives.

I will always have friends in Tokushima. Ikeda will always be my second home and will always have a very special place in my heart. I can return any time I want, and I know that I will go back again in the future. I know all of this beyond a shadow of a doubt now, and I will never forget these places or the memories they've given me.

But that part of my life is over. If it happens that I'll live in Japan again, then great! But metro Atlanta is my home for at least the next year or two, and I want to really make the most of my time here, reconnect with old friends and meet new people and make the most of it. Without even trying, I'm suddenly able to let go, to stop always reminiscing and making references and looking over my shoulder at where I used to be. I'll always carry it in my heart, but I'm ready and able to move forward, and since stepping off the plane in Atlanta last March, without even thinking about it, I already have been.

It took me a while to get here, and I'm glad it's finally happened.

And now that this trip is behind me, with the exception of uploading my photos to Flickr, there really isn't anything of substance that I can contribute to this site anymore. Its function has been fulfilled. I'm so glad I made the conscious decision in early 2005 to begin writing in here--documenting my thoughts almost daily has helped to cement them, and skimming old entries gives me a good window into that way of life, into that part of my life, and into how I've grown (so, so much) and changed over these years.

I may make further cosmetic updates, I may flesh this out into a whole standalone website on my time there. I don't know yet. But I know that these daily (or weekly, or monthly...) updates are effectively over, and it's better to end it swiftly and gracefully(?) than to just let it wilt away slowly.

To everybody who's kept up with my adventures regularly or in passing, to everybody who's commented, even to people who only have dropped in on very rare occasions...thank you so much. I wrote this for myself, documenting the good with the bad, so it did get long and weighty at times. But I also wanted to put new material out there for future ALTs to help them in the way that the websites of ALTs before me helped me immensely, and based on comments and linkbacks I've received, I think it has.

And if you have any questions about Japan or JET, you can comment on any of these entries or e-mail me personally any time. Even if the blog won't be updating, I'll still be around.

じゃあ、お元気で。

Love,
Smitha

Trip recap #2

2008-03-26T23:28:00.004+09:00

Tuesday (18 March): walked 45 minutes from Kiet's place to Kamojima Station (man, that shoulder bag was heavy) and just barely caught my train, went to Julie's place, repacked my bags, shipped a 10-kilogram (22-pound) box of SXSW/souvenir/clothing stuff via sea mail back home, went to Ikeda and to Terumi's house, walked to Marusho (Takahide and Masumi's kimono shop) and visited them because Masumi would be out of town on the day of our eikaiwa parties, called Mitaka (and forgot that in this culture, "I'd love to see everyone in the beginner's class" translates into "Will you organize a beginner's party for me?"), went grocery shopping with Terumi and had temakizushi with her and her husband

Wednesday (19 March): after a big breakfast (cheese toast with basil, eggs, salad, coffee, mikan (mandarin orange)--they seriously eat this stuff every day), we drove to Takamatsu in search of a doll (nihon ningyo) for my mother
-- store #1: from the time of ordering, it'd take them 2-3 days to make one
-- store #2 (You-Me Town): nothing, but we also went to Lush and wandered for a bit
-- lunch: after driving for over an hour, after which we realized that our map was totally wrong, we found an Indian restaurant with so-so food, though the Indian chefs subbed chapatis instead of naan for me as a treat
-- store #3: had several dolls in stock, and I chose and purchased one
then we came back in time for dinner and had delicious udon and tenpura at Sanuki-ya, and then I got in touch with Julie, and later met up with her and Brian for 2 excellent hours of nostalgic karaoke in Ikawa

Thursday (20 March): a national holiday, so I wanted to leave the day free to spend time with friends; because of rain, the plans people had fell through, but while shopping at Daiso, I got in touch with Ashley and Ange and caught a train out east to Kamojima, where I met them and Kam and Lou for a very late lunch, and then rode back with Ashley to Ikeda, where we had dinner and hung out, then I went back to Terumi's and we stayed up late talking

Friday (21 March): eikaiwa parties! Beginner's party was at Toshiya (a coffeeshop/cafe), for 2 hours, and the intermediate party was at Seikai, the old and gorgeous ryokan right next to the community center--the girl waiting on us kindly gave us a tour afterwards at my request, and we got to see the room that Emperor Hirohito (the Taisho Emperor; we're now in the Heisei era*) stayed in when he visited Ikeda during his tour of Shikoku! Afterwards, I returned to Terumi's place and loaded my bags into Shizuko's car, and Shizuko and I headed to Oboke with Katsue to take what ended up being a gorgeous boat ride through the canyon, then back to Shizuko's house, where we made dinner and hung out with Rie and the rest of the family, and actually ate dinner in their irori room (a tatami room with a hearth built into the floor and a pot hook hanging from the ceiling)

*A note on Showa/Taisho/Heisei and the like: those are names of the periods that each emperor reigned. I was born in Taisho 56, or 1981. The current year, 2008, is Heisei 20. Official Japanese date-keeping involves these years, sometimes concurrently with the Common Era/A.D. dating.

Saturday (22 March): got an early start, and was seen off by Shizuko, Terumi and her husband, and Kazumi, which kicked off nearly 30 hours of traveling: Ikeda to Tokushima by train, Tokushima to Kansai Airport by bus (I slept and just narrowly missed our trip over two of my favorite bridges, the Naruto-Kaikyo and the Awaji-Akashi (longest suspension bridge in the world!), linking Shikoku with Awaji Island and Honshu), then Osaka to San Francisco to Denver to Atlanta; I was really losing it by the time I got to Denver, and had to deal with a kind of bitchy flight attendant who swooped down and ordered me to check the doll I was carrying, which made exhausted/jetlagged me nearly start panicking, but all was well in the end.

The trip so far

2008-03-18T08:47:00.003+09:00

This is a quick one to just sum up everything I've been doing since I got here.

Wednesday night: landed in Osaka, picked up my cellphone, had a konbini dinner, caught a train/shinkansen/train to Ikeda and met Julie

Thursday: slept in, did laundry, went to Paparagi and saw Yasuyo and company, caught a ride with Mayumi's husband and spent the evening with their family

Friday: attended my former junior high's graduation ceremony (and said my real goodbyes, because the school will be shutting down next spring), got a ride back to Mikamo from Caitlin, had dinner at Chonmage with Julie and saw Fumi (current hair color: black and hot pink)

Saturday: had lunch at Masala in Matsushige, went to Naruto and finally took a whirlpool ferry and got up close to the Naruto/Awaji-shima bridge, went to Ryozenji (pilgrimage temple #1) and bought an English-language pilgrimage book that Claire translated, then went to the musical (Momotaro and the Revenge of Akaoni) and the afterparty and saw a ton of people

Sunday: went to Paparagi for breakfast, then the Awagami Factory in Yamakawa, then shopping in Takamatsu (Muji, Donguri Kyouwakoku, Loft) and dinner at the Cheese Cafe with Julie's lovely friend Akane...and realized that I forgot my water bottle at the afterparty and probably can't get it before I leave

Monday: visited (surprised, rather) all five of my shougakkous, and had lunch with Tomoko in Ikeda, and caught a train to Kamojima and had udon with Kiet and played frisbee golf in Naruto Park (wtf, how did I not discover this game earlier?) with Chris, Jill, Patrick, and Sarah, then back to Kiet's and catching up over Ureshii Wine...and today was the day I finally realized that I don't live here anymore and that I really do miss these people and this wonderful town

And it's now Tuesday morning--Kiet's off to work but I'm stealing his internet for a bit before I walk 30+ minutes to the train station and head west again. The plan is to hang out with my eikaiwa ladies for several days, visit Hashikura Temple and wander the streets of Ikeda, meet up with Ashley sometime, and just do whatever they have planned. Some people have asked if I'll be free Friday night, my last night in town, but that's the one and only night Shizuko will be here, and she really wants me to stay with her family. Maybe we can do something Thursday.

This has been a really whirlwind, amazing, and (as of yesterday) emotional trip. I'm so glad I made it out here, and I can't wait to see what the next few days bring.

Awake in western Tokushima

2008-03-13T08:27:00.002+09:00

I didn't get a chance to write anything in the lead-up to the trip because I got absolutely slammed. I was at work till 9 PM the night before I flew out, I spent an hour at the post office trying to make the lady at the counter understand the Japanese address format so I could express-mail the reply letters to my students, I had a list of people I "needed" to buy omiyage for and brought an extra bag full of cookies and chocolate and tea and coffee (though I had to leave a few people off the list for my own sanity)...

Then two very relaxed days in Houston happened, I spent some good time with my aunt, and I caught a cold.

Then four less relaxed but fun days in Austin at SXSW Interactive happened. I learned a lot and had fun, but the evenings were boring since I was there by myself. I hope I can come with a friend or colleague next year--it was more web-oriented, so it wasn't directly relevant to what I do, but it's where I want to head, and I still got a lot out of it. And Austin is an amazing city.

Then I checked out of my hotel room at 5 AM on Tuesday, caught a 7 AM flight from Austin to San Francisco (half the passengers were SXSW attendees), and caught a slightly uncomfortable and interminable flight at 1 PM to Osaka. Then, as if it were second-nature and I'd never been away, I chatted in friendly Japanese with the immigration and customs agents (and actually, they made the foreigner fingerprinting process painless and cutesy-happy, with smiling anime character images, so I didn't really register what it was till it was done), dropped off my suitcase for shipping, picked up my gorgeous AU rental cellphone, drew some yen, bought a konbini dinner at Lawson's (egg sandwich, strawberry yogurt, and mugi-cha), and traveled several more hours by train and shinkansen (I passed some of the time by calling Yaemi and Tomoko and Mayumi--it was so good to talk to them again!) to get to Ikeda, where Julie was waiting to pick me up around 11 PM local time.

The feeling of getting off the JR Shikoku Nanpu at Ikeda's train station, of stepping onto that same platform I'd walked across over a hundred times, of going up the two flights of 13 steps to the overhead walkway and down the two flights of 16 steps to the entrance and ticket window, of the silhouetted mountains looming around and the tracks merging and curving out of sight around the buildings and trees on either side...I nearly laughed and cried at the same time. What an amazing feeling it was to be there again.

We got to Julie's place in Mikamo a little while later, and stayed up till midnight talking and hanging out. Now it's 9 AM and I'm wide awake, relishing the comforts of her futon and kotatsu (AAHHH OHMYGOD KOTATSU!) and the familiar scent of tatami, though I know I'll really crash early this evening from jetlag, which mainly concerns me because I'm going to my JTE's home for the evening around that time.

The luggage delivery people said they could deliver the suitcase "gozen-chuu", but I'm not sure exactly what that means. I just know that if I go take a shower, the Kuroneko Yamato delivery truck will come by while I'm out of earshot; maybe I should call. I'm remembering how thin the walls are here--I can hear people walking outside, I could hear the neighbors talking and laughing...I keep jumping at sounds, thinking any of them's the delivery guy, but no such luck yet.

The plan for today: laundry! I did not get to do laundry in Austin, as planned, because the hotel charged an arm and a leg for it. Once my suitcase comes in and I've showered and everything, I can wash my clothes, then go wander around Mikamo and have lunch at Paparagi and kick off the first of many reunions. (And drink lots of coffee, to stay awake as long as I can past my inevitable 6 PM jetlag wave.)

I just hope the delivery truck comes soon, though. I feel guilty for having come this far and just mooching off Julie's internet all morning. And it feels strange, being here and not being at school. It's...wait, it's Thursday, since I lost most of Tuesday and Wednesday in transit. They're practicing for tomorrow's graduation ceremony in the freezing-cold gym, probably laying out the tables and tarps and chairs and wiping down the floor. Man, it's going to be crazy to be at my junior high again tomorrow! (Tomorrow!) Once I do my laundry, though, I can hit the ground running--today's that "limbo" day, resting and waiting off the jetlag, but it won't be a total waste. I'm keenly aware of how precious and scarce my time here is and I can't wait to make the most of it.

Questioning the reception

2008-03-01T01:05:00.000+09:00

Now's the point where I start wondering: will they really be happy to see me?

How awkward is this trip going to be? She's their ALT now, not me. Will the teachers and students really be happy that I'm back, that I'm there to attend graduation (especially when I was overly shy and not nearly as involved as I could have been at my junior high), or will they wonder why I'm there?

I do read my successor's blog on occasion, and at first I totally felt inadequate at how immediately she was able to immerse herself, at the gifts she was given and the opportunities she's had or found that I never did. She's already gotten to wear a kimono a few times--other than Awa Odori, which involved a specialized sort of kimono, I never wore a traditional one even once. (Granted, it'd probably look awful on me, but that's not the point.) I got over it before long, which came hand-in-hand with my finally really letting go and looking ahead instead of backwards. But now that I'm going back again, I'm nervous.

There are people there who are looking forward to seeing me. There are people I've stayed in regular and spotty touch with, some of whom have welcomed me into their homes while I'm back or written me cute and sweet notes. There are also people I didn't get to properly say goodbye to last time, due to lack of time and losing my cellphone and their contact info, and I'm looking forward to surprising them. And there are those acquaintances I've built up around town: the sweet short-haired lady at Daiki, the Passion Bakery ladies, the La Tavola lady, the Mac engineer at the internet school, and others.

And former ALTs have totally visited during my time there. Ellie came back for a visit. So did Christine's predecessor. And they've definitely gotten warm receptions, from what I can tell.

So why on earth am I so apprehensive about this? It was my home. It has a strong presence in my heart that nobody can take away. I shouldn't be so hung up with these doubts that people may not welcome me warmly. I know the area and its people better than that. They welcomed me with open arms when I first arrived there and I'm sure it'll be similar this time.

I hope, anyway.

Surprise present

2008-02-28T16:16:00.000+09:00

I came home yesterday and found a big manila envelope with my address hand-written in large letters across it. Upon closer inspection, after dumping my bags (shoulder and gym), I did not see an actual sender name, but I did realize that the envelope came from my junior high in Japan!

Upon opening it, I found a clear folder with about 12 hand-written notes from my girls (er, former students--it's still so easy to say "my kids"), with photos attached, and a pretty postcard with a handwritten note on the back from Mayumi, my JTE. As part of the "Sentaku Eigo" (Advanced/Concentrated English, as opposed to the clothes-washing "sentaku"...it took me months to figure that out when I first heard her say it) class, she had the students write me notes, and she mailed them all to me!

If I have time, I would love to reply to each of them and mail them off on Saturday. Of course, at this point, I could just bring the replies with me and deliver them in person, but it's much more fun and exciting to receive international mail.

I'm so freaking psyched for this trip. I rented a cellphone earlier this week that I can pick up and then drop off at Kansai Airport. I have e-mails to return to Shizuko and Yaemi, inviting me to stay with them (as did Terumi) and already suggesting things we can do, and I received a letter on Monday from Mitaka, suggesting we go bowling and eat udon again. I laughed a lot at that. Udon, oh yes. Bowling, absolutely not. Besides graduation and the musical, everything else is still totally up in the air. I can't wait to see what happens.

JLPT results

2008-02-20T20:55:00.000+09:00

I just got the e-mail notifying me that I passed level 3! I got 328/400, and rocked sections 1 and 3 (kanji and grammar), but screwed up on the listening section, and I know exactly why: I forgot and/or didn't realize that the listening section only plays once, so I didn't listen as closely as I should have.

But, I mean, come on. It's so unrealistic to think that a Japanese speaker will say something to you only once in a conversation and then refuse to repeat it, especially if you're a foreigner. S/he will be more than willing to repeat him/herself if you didn't quite hear it all.

...okay, well, 49 times out of 50, the speaker would think that my asking him/her to repeat him/herself meant that I didn't understand, and not that I didn't hear it properly, so s/he then would try to reword and simplify it instead of just repeating it, which was frustrating.

And I do get why they only played it once: to force you to listen closely. It just doesn't really jive with the real thing.

But--yeah! To celebrate, I'm going to go watch the lunar eclipse, which just began about 10 minutes ago. Sweet!

Getting closer

2008-02-20T14:12:00.000+09:00

Whoops. I ended up finding my passport at work of all places. I'd taken a folder to my work orientation session with me and stuck my passport in it, and brought that folder to the office and stored it in the locker where I keep my work-issued MacBook Pro (*siiiigh* my next home machine will totally be a Mac), where it's been collecting dust for the last five months. On a whim, and at the general suggestion of my boss, I decided to check it, and voila! That's a big load off, for sure.

And the trip is looming. I'll be in Texas in two weeks--in Houston for two days, visiting my aunt, then to Austin for SXSW Interactive, then off to Japan! Among the letters I've received recently was one from one of my dearest eikaiwa ladies, who finally wrote down her e-mail address for me. I'm hoping to stay with her and/or one other lady for a few days, with my JTE the night before graduation, and with friends the rest of the time. I'll definitely need to get a prepaid phone at Kansai Airport to keep up with everyone--hopefully it won't be too expensive.

And the apartment hunt has been dragging on and on...but as of today, I think it's finally coming to a close. There's a gated condominium complex just down the street from my office that has a couple of very promising units. The area's safe, my office is 5 minutes away on foot, and there are numerous grocery stores and restaurants and even a public library and a MARTA rail station within reasonable walking distance (woo, easy airport access! Much better than driving 1-2 hours to Takamatsu or Tokushima's airports, or traveling five hours to Kansai Airport outside Osaka). All I can say is it's about damn time. Holy crap, man.

And Genna's flying into Atlanta tomorrow, and Japan Night #2 is on for this weekend! Have any of you been to Momo-ya in Buckhead? My Japanese teacher cautioned me that it may not be the most authentic experience...but at least we're doing karaoke afterwards. You can't get much more authentic than that.

So in the next two weeks, I'm hoping to move, unpack and repack (which will be a challenge; it's warm in Texas and snowing in Tokushima), buy a ton of omiyage, dust off my camera (or buy a new one...), and ship out. I'm feeling pretty genki about this next month, and really looking forward to the changes and new beginnings and reflection it will bring.

One small screw-up

2008-02-07T23:56:00.001+09:00

I've lost my passport.

I wouldn't have even realized it if not for my dad bringing it up out of the blue yesterday, when he mused that it'd been two years since my family visited me in Japan. And I'm grateful, because it's just over a month until my trip back to Japan. Any closer to the departure date would've been pretty risky.

We've ripped the house apart looking, and it's nowhere to be found. The last time I took it anywhere was for orientation for my new job in September, so it's hard to retrace my steps back that far. I feel like I had to have just misplaced it somewhere at home, but it's just not here.

Besides kicking myself for my clumsiness, the thing I really regret is that I've lost my Japanese work visa. They took my alien registration card when I left Japan in August...so the visa was the one official document I still had that attested that I had indeed spent two years working there. And the multiple reentry permit, too...that's something else I couldn't have gotten as a visitor. At least I still have my Japanese driver's license, but it's not quite as "sacred" as a passport.

And what are the chances of my ever getting a residency visa for Japan (or for any other country, unless I'm incredibly lucky with work or grad school acceptances) ever again?

I also regret losing my entry/exit stamps from South Korea, since I really don't know if I'll ever make it there again. The other stamps I had were from Japan, India, and Italy, and I know I'll be going back to all of those in the future.

This really hurts. Even if it turns up the day after I declare it officially missing to the government, I'd like that because at least I'll have it. That's all I care about.

It's confirmed

2008-01-26T01:43:00.001+09:00

My e-ticket has come through, and my reservation is confirmed: I'll be in (and around) Tokushima from March 12-22. Sweet! My travel agent even found a deal today that let him shave nearly $100 off my ticket price since I last talked to him on Monday--extra spending money for me!

And in other travel-related news, Genna's booked her plane tickets and will be in Atlanta at the end of February! She's visiting a few people, not just me, but she's staying one or two nights at my place. JET reunions are so awesome.

A while back I was really thinking that I wanted to do some traveling while I was here--not just to nearby cities like Takamatsu, but maybe spend a night in Kobe to check out some jazz clubs (like Sone), or spend a night or two in Koya-san, where Kobo Daishi is buried and where the 88-temple pilgrimage traditionally begins and ends...but I can save the sightseeing for a future visit. This time is for visiting my old haunts and seeing people and having a Japanese "epilogue."

For four or five consecutive days this past week, I've received several letters and nengajo (new year's postcards) from Japan daily, from teachers and friends and eikaiwa students. I really did send cards to nearly everyone I could think of in Japan, at least 40 of them. It's really nice to know that they're still thinking about me, though I knew they wouldn't forget quickly, since throughout my two years there, my eikaiwa ladies would bring up my predecessor Dave, who's a grad student in Calgary, and give me the latest news about him.

It's funny--the day after my Japanese lesson this week, I got a sweet note (on Hayashi Seiichi stationery) from the groundskeeper lady at my junior high, the one I really related to because neither of us felt like we were really part of the staff the same way as the full-time regular teachers were. I only understood maybe 50-70% of what she said, and the same went for her letter--full of (fairly legibly) handwritten kanji and vocab that are kind of beyond me.

Even though I couldn't fully understand her, though, I really did always like that she just talked to me normally and didn't try to dumb down what she was saying for me. There's something to be said for both sides of it: going for easy words means they're accommodating my low language level in order to facilitate easier communication. However, regular communication, while intimidating, is also awesome--it's a true immersive experience and it forces you to challenge yourself and study harder in order to keep up and follow along.

Eek!

2008-01-15T23:01:00.000+09:00

I seriously didn't mean to go nearly 2 months without posting. I remember times where going more than a week without posting was nearly inconceivable. Currently I'm doped up on Nyquil and about ready to collapse to work off the last vestiges of this cold that's been kicking me around since midway through last week, but at the behest of the sweet anonymous commenter who asked me to post, and at the behest of my dad who's bugged me about whether or not I'm keeping this up, here I go.

So, uh, yeah. Happy New Year!

I regret having to take down the gorgeous Japan-styled calendar from Loft which hung at my desk for the 3.5 months of 2007 that I worked in this job, but I have a styling planner that I use instead. (I have two calendars hanging in my cubicle, courtesy of Etsy. My job's a creative one, but methodical enough to make me long for lots of pretty things.)

A lot's been going on. I designed and sent out my own holiday cards this year, the majority of which went to Japan, to my friends and former students and colleagues and even to my old board of education and community center. I hope they all made it. I went to visit family in Ohio for the holidays and spent a lot of time with my friends. I'm still living with my parents--but very close to making a final decision about which apartment complex to move to, and hopefully moving soon. I'm looking forward to it.

In early December, I took level 3 of the Japanese Language Proficiency Test. I did better and worse than I thought I would, but I think I passed, and my private teacher and I have started working slowly already towards getting me ready for level 2 next December. I'm glad I'm keeping it up, but my conversation skills are definitely slipping. I also will be attending a meeting of a bimonthly Japanese/English book club in a couple of weekends; the book for this month is Nijuushi no Hitomi/Twenty-Four Eyes. The copy I have is all English, though...we'll see how that works out. It's an interesting read, about a teacher and some of her students from prewar, wartime, and postwar Japan, with very pacifistic overtones. It takes place in a village on Shodoshima (an island in the Seto Inland Sea, between Honshu and Shikoku), and there are references to locales in nearby Kagawa Prefecture on Shikoku, and to places in Kagawa-ken that I've actually visited (Tadotsu, Kotohira, Takamatsu, Yashima), though I haven't actually visited Shodoshima itself. I'm enjoying the book so far.

I still think about Japan daily. In fact, today I got a nengajo (new year's card) from an elementary school teacher I worked with, the principal at my Monday-morning school, the really lovely lady who took such good care of me when I was homesick my first year. I'm in touch with my former bosses through e-mail (one even offered to try to send me homemade osechi-ryouri, the special new year's food; though it obviously couldn't make it, it was a sweet offer!), and more occasional touch with several other Japanese friends, and in pretty good touch with several ALTs, but it's already surprising who I've lost touch with. Conversely, Genna's still set on coming for a visit, and I'll have to check in with Chalice and Joe. I also may be traveling out to California in April or so, where I have every intention of seeing Hannah, and I scored a really wonderful 45 minutes of phone time with Lindsay this past week (first time in nearly two years) while she was back in the US.

And as of this week, I'll get a chance to revisit many of those people, because I've booked my plane tickets for 10 days in Japan in March! Immediately on the tail end of attending SXSW Interactive in Austin for business (I won a free membership, even; scroll halfway down the page!), I fly to Osaka and make my way to Tokushima in time to attend my junior high's graduation ceremony, watch the 2008 Tokushima musical, and just see everybody and everything again. I'm really excited for this--it feels like an epilogue of sorts, to round all this off. Leaving Japan in August was...mixed. I'd come off that pretty bittersweet Hokkaido/Tohoku vacation and was ready for it to be over, but it really hurt to leave at the same time. I hope that this trip will be much more upbeat, and that I can come away with the knowledge that these people and places will always be there, and that while my time as a Japanese resident has ended, my ties to the country and the places and the people will still always be there. I can't wait to see it all again.

The roller coaster of reverse culture shock

2007-11-21T11:53:00.000+09:00

It's a slow day at work, and I'll be leaving within the hour to "work from home" for the rest of the day with my lovely work-issued Macbook Pro in tow for the long weekend. It's been a while, and I've been wanting to write, but just trying to figure out what exactly to say. Japan's done with, but the experience of JET and living abroad hasn't left me totally alone yet--reverse culture shock is still in full swing. In the same way that I wanted to write about what it was like to prepare for this adventure and how I really felt over there, I feel like it's important to talk about how I feel now that I'm back.

Until this week, I hadn't seen any of my Atlanta friends in about a month. Many of them have left town, and the ones here have their own lives and schedules, and I go into work late to avoid traffic and end up staying late and coming home and just crashing, which doesn't really allow for an active social life anyway. I went up to Boston a few weeks ago and had a great time hanging out with people (Georgia Tech friends, a really close online friend I've spent a lot of offline time with, and a friend from Japan, who's a grad student there), only to come home and have my social life grind to a halt again. I started feeling more and more down and resentful about my living situation and this suburb and everything, since I still don't really have a way of meeting new people to hang out with.

But seeing my friends, getting out and having that social outlet again, has helped me feel a lot better and really put things into perspective. It's something I always try to do when I'm down--I try not to let negative emotions cloud my judgment and make me think that I'm so unfortunate and unlucky when I have so much going right in my life, but that's what was happening. But I hung out with Moshe on Sunday, and Terry and Ryan Monday, and we're doing an Indo-Western Thanksgiving with our group of Indian family friends tomorrow (after eating a Trader Joe's Tofurky for lunch, which I'm ridiculously excited about!), and I'm having lunch and playing frisbee with my university orchestra friends on Friday, and we're doing Japan Night on Saturday, with pretty much everybody in Atlanta that I know--dinner at an izakaya, then karaoke (at a place with a purikura/print club machine).

I still maintain, though, that the Atlantan suburban sprawl is pretty much devoid of any real culture, and I'm ready to get out of this town as quickly as possible. I'm looking at moving close to my office--if not for the really long commute times and huge gas bills (I just spent $47 filling up my car today) and high rent involved with living downtown, and the fact that most of my "extracurriculars" are just a few minutes from my office, I'd try to find a place to live that allowed me to walk around and have a lot of conveniences and fun things accessible, and that allowed me to meet people easily. But one nice thing about being up here: all the trees up here have given me some nice eye candy in the form of a dazzling fall color display on my drive to and from work.

The other thing occupying me lately (to the point that I've let my violin practicing slip again) has been studying for the JLPT, which is now 11 days away. I have no doubt that I'll pass, but it's not as easy to absorb new kanji and vocabulary as it used to be in school, though the grammar makes a lot more sense now that I have a real foundation to ground it in. I'm most of the way through my Nakama 2 textbook from college, and I have dozens of kanji flashcards scattered all over the place, which I'll be memorizing over the long weekend.

And I'm almost totally certain that I'll be back in Japan for a week or so this spring. I think I really need this. I may keep this blog occasionally updated till then, and have that sort of serve as my epilogue to this two-year adventure. We'll see what happens.

It's about time to pack up and head home, so I should sign off here. To any American readers, happy Thanksgiving! It's really interesting that this was the week that I could see all my friends and have my mood be lifted like that, just in time for this holiday of gratitude and reflection on the good things and good people in our lives. I'm grateful for this timing of events, and for finally being able to see that everything really is okay. I have a lot to be thankful for this year.

Dilemma and decision

2007-10-10T09:25:00.000+09:00

After long last, I've uploaded the last of my Japan photos to my Flickr account. It was an emotional occasion, too, as I tried to come up with some fitting words of closure and as I thought about what those photos evoked, and my last weeks/days/hours in Ikeda, in Tokushima Prefecture, and in Japan.

I'm also finally going to mail out a bunch of postcards to friends in Japan that I meant to send a month ago...oops. I hope that the friends whose addresses I have can do some reconnaissance and get me everyone else's mailing address in time for me to send them holiday cards. I'm already wondering if I should go with store-bought cards, if I should order some nice greeting cards or nengajou/new year postcards online, or if I should try to figure out how to produce my own...?

Lately I've come to the realization that I really, really want to go back to Japan next year. I think I may try to do what Ellie did last year and come to see my kids graduate and to watch the musical (hopefully at the gorgeous Wakimachi Odeon-za), and maybe stay a few extra days and squeeze in a visit to Koya-san, which is traditionally how one begins the Shikoku 88-temple pilgrimage. I haven't given up on my promise to myself to do it someday.

However, I hit a bit of a snag today, as I realized that the SXSW Interactive Festival is March 7-11, which is precisely when both graduation and the musical will be happening. Well, I don't know their exact dates, but graduation is usually in the second week of March, and the musical takes place the first three weekends of March traditionally.

This is a big problem--my boss encourages all of us to go to a relevant conference every year and I've been wanting to attend this one for a few years now. SXSW Interactive, for those unfamiliar with it, is all about emerging web, wireless, and media technologies, issues, and studies (those of you who know me know that this is exactly what I'm into).

If it turns out that they don't overlap after all, I could have a crazy 2 weeks next March and go to Japan as soon as I get back from Austin (or vice versa)...but if they do overlap, I have a very tough decision ahead of me.

Attn: Lee Johnson, former Miyoshi-gun ALT

2007-09-22T13:33:00.000+09:00

Hey! Thanks again for the comment several months ago. It really made my day (and week, and month) to hear from former ALTs who lived in the same area, and to hear that former ALTs still have very fond thoughts of western Tokushima, as I do! I recently started chatting with Cory Hain, who taught in Yamashiro/Iya while you were in Ikeda/Ikawa/Mikamo. If you could e-mail me (andorus at gmail dot com), he'd like to get in touch with you.

I set up iGoogle recently, Google's portal site, and created a Japanese Study tab, with the two JLPT kanji modules, kanji of the day, and Eng/Jpn news tabs. I really don't know if I'll have the motivation to study hard enough to have even the slighest chance of passing the JLPT level 2--I'd have to be living in Japan and studying on a daily basis for that to be feasible--but I think I'm going to sign up for it anyway, to have that as something to work towards, so I don't let my Japanese slip. I still haven't had success finding flat-out conversation sessions in town; I've found actual language classes, but I think I may just give in and sign up for an advanced one to keep me on my toes and to give me a chance to chat with people.

In other Atlanta-Japan news, my grandmother found something in the paper about a weekend of Japanese films next month at Emory University. I'd like to check those out. And next weekend is JapanFest! I'm hoping to head there on Sunday with some people.

The first of my last round of boxes arrived today, too...aptly enough, it was the one with a lot of my very nostalgic gifts, sign-cards, and thank-you letters from my students and teachers. And my Sudachi-kun plushie! I found the cloth flower Atagi-san made me, the brocade and ukiyo-e purse from my junior high teachers, the indigo purse from my Thurs/Fri elementary school, the laminated sheet with photos of me crying and going under the student arch during my farewell ceremony, and much more.

I also found the notebooks of class notes that I'd meant to leave for Caitlin. CRAP. I'll be shipping those out to her tomorrow...

The feelings of homesickness for Japan really haven't faded. If anything, they're a little stronger every day. Japan works its way into my thoughts and makes itself relevant to whatever I'm doing or thinking about constantly. This morning, out of nowhere, the image of Yaemi and Terumi seeing me off at the bus terminal in Ikeda on my day of departure came to me and made me start crying in the shower.

What does help, though, is knowing that I have a cool, laid-back, and friendly group of coworkers. I can go to them with anything, I can ask them anything, and they're more than happy to do whatever they can to help me out. I chat most with the guy right across from me just out of convenience, but he also has a design background and is a software engineer, and we get each other's input on stuff, and he'll very kindly pass over different links he's found related to what I'm working on, or just cool graphical things.

The thing that's a little awkward--but of course, everyone goes through this--is that my coworkers are all at least 10 years older than I am. I feel like I fit in really well, though, and I haven't felt any sort of "seniority" complex at all, and it now works in my favoror that I'm used to being the lone female in a group of tech geek guys after my college days. (We were all joking in the car on our way to lunch today about how we all were made fun of in middle school, but now geeks are taking over the world.) It's just tough because they all have families or significant others and aren't really the hang-out-after-work types.

I also just don't have nearly as many social outlets as I used to, and I live 30 minutes from the city, and the areas where I live and work are awful during rush hour. It took me a solid hour to drive into the city yesterday after work, when that trip should only take 20 minutes. I've really started feeling the pinch that comes with having previously local friends who now reside hundreds and thousands of miles away. The days of decent train systems and friends in neighboring towns are definitely over.

Slacker!

2007-09-20T10:26:00.000+09:00

Geez, I didn't realize it's been three weeks since I last wrote in here! I've thought about it a lot, and I had some ideas for things to write, but now that I'm sitting at my computer, of course those ideas have all flown away.

I've been pretty busy lately, in part because I started my new job. No specific details online for obvious reasons (though my coworkers already told me that they Googled me during the interview process), but I'm really enjoying it so far. It's an interesting challenge. I'm an interaction designer for a security software firm, designing user interface graphical elements like system tray icons and desktop icons and other non-iconic things. It's an area of design I haven't done a whole lot of before, but I'm starting to get the hang of it--it incorporates a lot of the general ideas I try to keep in mind when designing websites. I also have a great group of coworkers, and the environment there's really nice. I've really enjoyed it so far.

I will admit, though, it's been a little strange working in such an American working environment--one guy had studied some Japanese on his own and greeted me with an "ohayou gozaimasu" (good morning) once. But I actually miss saying "osaki ni shitsurei shimasu" when I'm on my way out, and I've even forgotten how to let myself into my boss's office in English, now that I can't use "shitsurei shimasu" upon entering and "shitsurei shimashita" on my way out anymore. I also have to stop myself from bowing to the people I've been meeting this past week. It feels so weird!

In other news, I bought a car on Saturday--a Mazda 6. It handles wonderfully, is gorgeous, has all these great features, and I love it...but then I started hearing this clanking sound Sunday night, like a soft drink can was rattling around somewhere to my right and in front of me. I took it in on Monday, but they were unable to duplicate the sound on their own, and the tech guy and I went for a drive today and still couldn't hear it. I got my car back today, which is good--I've driven the loaner they issued me more than my actual car! Hopefully it's nothing serious--especially since I have to drive a long way on Sunday to attend the wedding of a guy I've known for nearly 20 years, ever since my family moved to metro Atlanta.

I got hit with my first big wave of homesickness for Japan yesterday evening, as I was putting up more of my Japan photos on Flickr (I'm over a month behind, and still not quite done yet!), and after I put up an autumn-themed print I'd bought at Loft and several of the watercolor postcard prints of Ikeda that I'd bought at Gasping Lady's restaurant in my cubicle. I've also been exchanging messages through Flickr with a former ALT in Yamashiro, the town bordering Ikeda to the southwest. It's really cool that several people from the area still have fond enough memories of it to keep in touch with it and try to find out about it online.

To kind of combat the homesickness, I gave Hannah a call and we talked for about 45 minutes. Hannah used to live downstairs in our apartment building in Japan--she and I came in together and she left after a year. It felt really good to make all these references to Japan and our ALT community and have her totally get what I meant.

Oh, and the izakaya we went to for my birthday (it feels like it was ages ago, not just three weeks) was all right. It was pretty good for an American restaurant, especially considering that there isn't a huge Japanese population here the way there is out west, but it still left something to be desired. I'll have to try my luck again if I ever make it up to New York or out to the west coast.

I really miss it. There are some things I'm glad to have left behind, but on the whole...I can't wait to go back.

It was bound to happen sooner or later

2007-08-29T14:14:00.000+09:00

I was at our local YMCA getting a membership today. When I finished and went out to the parking lot, I promptly walked right up to the right-hand side of the car, opened the door, and got in, without even batting an eyelash. I sat there for several seconds and wondered why the wheel was on the left side of the car before it hit me.

A couple of people were staring at me, so I tried to play it off by opening the glove compartment and pretending to search for something. It wasn't very convincing. I just hurried around to the driver's side, got in, and left in a hurry.

I blame it on the fact that I had another completely random Japan encounter today! My second in two days! I was chatting with one of the ladies in charge of membership, and it became relevant that I'd been away for a couple of years. This woman had worked for Georgia State University and took groups over to Japan annually for eleven years.

Yesterday I was at the library picking up some books for my brother, and it came up that I'd been away for two years when I renewed my library card and realized that I had late charges dating back to 2005. (Thank god they don't charge interest...) The woman behind the counter had lived in Japan around the time of the Tokyo Olympics and was married to a Japanese man and spoke fluent Japanese, and her daughter had done JET too. We spoke in Japanese to each other, which felt so good after speaking barely any these past two weeks. She let me know that there used to be a Japanese conversation group that had sort of fallen apart, but there was still an English/Japanese book club that met once every two months. She took my information and promised to pass it on to the people who run it.

And it's now 1:00 AM on the 29th, and I just realized I'd left this sitting here for the last couple of hours, as I got caught up in playing online Scrabble with some friends (who are totally kicking my butt). Today's my 26th birthday! It's also the birthday of Michael Jackson, Bae-Yon Joon (Yon-sama), and Slobodan Milosevic. Happy birthday, gentlemen.

Not in Kansas anymore

2007-08-29T00:35:00.000+09:00

A few people have asked me if I've stopped updating this journal, or if I intend to stop updating it. I will eventually, and nearly every other Tokushima ALT who's left Japan has stopped already...but I started this before I came to Japan, to talk about my preparations and feelings, and I feel like this won't be a complete encapsulation of my experience if I don't talk about how I feel now that it's over.

So far, three boxes (winter clothes and the first shipment of books) and my futon have made it home safely. I should have another six boxes of regular things and two smaller boxes of books on the way, but it should still be a few weeks before they arrive. I've ordered some design books to prepare for my new job, and they should be here any day now (and one art book by two Pixar artists and a friend of theirs, which arrived today: Three Trees Make A Forest, which is a kind of in-joke explaining the kanji for "forest"--Tadahiro Uesugi's work has such a wonderfully natsukashii Japanese feel to it). I'm hoping to buy a car in the next couple of weeks, hopefully in time for me to start commuting to work, and then it's time to start thinking about moving.

But the honeymoon period is definitely over. In small ways, it's finally hitting me that it's over, that I won't be returning to Japan in the next few weeks (or months), and that it's time to start establishing things for myself here. I've spent most of the last week and a half just resting up and hanging out at home, since I had jetlag for a solid week and since most of my close friends have moved away from metro Atlanta. But the jetlag has passed, and I've gone out to see a few people, and I'll be seeing more tomorrow when we get together for my birthday and more this weekend during DragonCon.

I've found myself stumbling in situations where I have to use English around strangers--it'll get easier over time but it's so strange that I'm having this problem to begin with. I guess I just got so used to using English mainly with people I already knew, so I've forgotten how to make small talk. Seeing my friends, and running an animation panel at DragonCon, will definitely help that along, I think. I didn't realize how good we had it in Tokushima--nearly all the ALTs lived fairly close to a train station, and having my own car made getting out so much easier. Now, we don't live anywhere near a MARTA rail station and I'm borrowing my mom's or brother's cars any time I go out, and most of my friends are too busy or live too far away to come out on a whim. There also isn't nearly as much to just go out and see--no temples or beautiful natural drives untouched by traffic and the urban sprawl.

I know that moving out will go a long way towards helping me establish things for myself here. I'm feeling almost exactly how I've felt during my last two visits home--I've just snapped right back into the routine I always am in whenever I live at home, and I don't do much for myself. I made some curry for the family one night, which felt familiar, since I've become a better cook these past two years out of necessity, and I've come to enjoy it as well. I'd like to do it more often, but I think I only will get that chance when I live on my own.

My homes in the US and Japan are two very distinct things for me right now, and I'm looking forward to the chance to merge the two in my own personal living space, with my futon, lamps from Loft (by the way, the little spherical paper lamps do work in the US!), wall decorations, and other little things that remind me in major and minor ways of the last two years. And of course, I'm looking forward to moving forward, to painting walls and framing/mounting my favorite Japan photos and decorating my place and settling into a place where I know I'll stay for several years. It would've been nice to go to a new city, now that I have this insatiable exploration bug; I feel like I've already seen a lot of what Atlanta has to offer. But you never know, right?

More on jetlag

2007-08-21T06:43:00.000+09:00

I'm really getting tired of waking up at 6 AM sharp daily and then totally conking out around 1-2 PM every single day for several hours. No matter what I do, I can't keep myself awake, and this has happened nearly every single day since I got back. It's nearly 6 PM and I'm still groggy--I went into my parents' room and sat down on the bed and turned the TV on, and two hours later I woke up when my mom came in and shook me awake. I just got off the phone with Jen, who's been in town since Thursday and is flying out tomorrow, and who I might get to meet up with tonight, and I was stumbling all over myself with grogginess- (and long-time-since-my-last-long-phone-conversation-)induced awkwardness. Hopefully I'll be more awake if we do indeed get to do something tonight.

I'm definitely glad that I can finally get out and start meeting up with friends. I may see her tonight (and at least I could talk to her!), I'm seeing Ethan tomorrow...it'll be nice to be social again. But they both have kept up with this blog pretty regularly, so it's funny that I now have to kind of be careful not to be too repetitive--that's the downfall of writing so much in here these past couple of years.

I wonder how much of this is jetlag-induced, but Japan is feeling like a kind of strange dream. I really can't believe that it was only several days ago that I left! It feels like I've been in Atlanta for a really long time, if not forever. I've just snapped back into my old routine as if I'd never left. I'm looking forward to building some new ones that build off the routines I made for myself in Japan. Mom encouraged me to keep up my Japanese studies and to go for the JLPT level 2. I think I should register, and try to be ambitious. I know I won't do nearly as well as I would have last year while I was still in Japan, but it'd be good motivation to keep trying, and maybe I can find language partners or groups to join where I can keep the language up.

From Atlanta, with love...and jetlag

2007-08-19T18:56:00.000+09:00

It's been exactly three days since I've landed stateside, and jetlag is still kicking me around. It usually doesn't take me more than two days to get over it, but I woke up inexplicably at 5:30 this morning, decided to go for a walk around the neighborhood as the sun rose, and then was really wiped out (though we went shopping and I picked up a She-Ra: Princess of Power DVD! Score!) and dozed off on the couch for the second time in two days around 1:30, only waking up 3 hours later when my dad woke me up. I'm still feeling a bit sluggish, though the sleep and all the water I drank when I woke up both helped.

Yesterday, my dad woke me up bright and early at 7 AM (gee, thanks), and we went out to order me a new pair of eyeglasses, since I snapped the pair I'd ordered a couple of weeks before coming to Japan cleanly in two just 3 days before I returned to the US.

But on a positive note, the official offer for the design job came through last week! I haven't responded yet--I'll be doing so tomorrow, and calling to specify a start date and things like that. This is definitely good news, and totally balances out my misplaced cellphone 2 weeks ago, the speeding ticket I got on the river road last Sunday as Julie and I were returning from watching Awa Odori in the city, and the snapped-in-half glasses the very next day.

So that's been Life After Japan so far. Leaving was tough. I cried quite a bit. Yaemi and Terumi, two of my eikaiwa ladies, came to see me off at the bus station. Chalice, whose floor I'd crashed on, very kindly drove me there, but returned home after I told her to please not wait to see me off since we'd had a late night. My boss didn't come out but she'd been out sick on Wednesday, so I figured she was still ill. My JTE had let me know that she'd be visiting relatives on the other side of the prefecture for Obon and couldn't be there either. Honestly, the fewer people that came, the easiest it was for me.

The flights weren't a big deal--I didn't realize that I'd evidently paid extra for EconomyPlus seats on United Airlines, which give me considerably more legroom than standard economy seats, but if I had a choice I would totally pay it all over again (Hamza's theory is that we're paying extra to have the same amount of legroom we used to have, before they decided to cram in as many extra seats as possible). I had a tight connection in San Francisco, and was witness to two of the guards at the security checkpoint cracking stupid racist jokes (Guy A: "Hey, Steve, how do you say 'strange' in Japanese?" Guy B: pause, stupid grin, then random "oriental"-sounding word)--I gave them a really disgusted look, and I was unfortunately in too much of a hurry to call them on it. I speedwalked/jogged to the other end of the airport to make my flight, and got there after boarding had started, and got to sit next to a really kind and friendly lady from Austell--a far cry from the last time I had to sit next to an elderly woman when traveling.

I was feeling pretty exhausted and emotional when I got to Atlanta, but upon emerging from the T Gates and making my way towards the standard arrival lobby (for the rest of the concourses), I saw my parents, brother, and Laura waiting for me, with flowers and signs! That was a really pleasant surprise. I talked to Hamza later that night, who said that he'd also wanted to come out to greet me (meaning, he wanted to drive two hours from Auburn to Atlanta just for this) but didn't know if I would want a more low-key homecoming or not. I love my friends.

My grandmother was at home waiting for me, as was a south Indian fresh home-cooked meal. I slept about 12 hours that night, and my sleep schedule has been kind of wonky ever since. I hope it'll be more normal tonight.

So, okay, I'll say it--I'm still in denial that my time in Japan is now over. I feel like this is yet another visit home, and honestly, it feels like it could be, since I've come to realize that I've seen my family twice a year during my Japan "tenure". At the same time, I know it's over, but I think the realization will really hit home once I start my new job and find a place and buy a car and take those steps to make my time here more permanent. I'm looking forward to moving forward, but not to the associated emotions that come with finally letting these past two years go.

So long, farewell

2007-08-15T13:00:00.000+09:00

My last full day in Japan is here.

I had such high hopes for this week, in terms of visiting places and stuff like that--I've been requested to revisit Hashikura Temple and chat with Miwako's supervisor, who enjoyed the minute-long conversation we had when Genna and I went there, and I really wanted to visit the Awagami paper factory/museum in Yamakawa. However, it's after noon and I'm still at Brian's house, wrapping up. I inadvertently slept in a bit because I got home after 1 AM.

So far I've spent this morning evading the cats (keeping them from clawing up my stuff and each other, and keeping them from leaving the house), trying to clean up (and discovering that Yukino really doesn't like brooms--she was growling at it), pack, and put my things into boxes. I now have to go return 2 boxes and buy 1 smaller one, for the few items I have left. I just got word that my first two boxes made it home intact! That gives me hope for all the rest, then, though it may still be weeks till they arrive.

This evening is dinner with the westie ladies who'll be around, and Ikeda's Awa Odori. Tokushima's was a blast. Besides one guy being a jerk about the fact that I messed up during one set and it threw him off (give me a break, we aren't a professional dancing group!) and a near-fight that broke out at the end of the night, it was a spectacular time, and I'm so glad that I'll leave with those memories of a revitalized Tokushima City fresh in my mind.

Before tonight, I have to revisit my board of education to settle final stuff like utilities and payments (I'm really proud that I was able to successfully close my account and get a bank draft on my own, though doing the latter meant going to the main branch in the city, but that's all right), pick up thank-you gifts for my boss and landlords, and write and give a note to the Paparagi mama-san, whose aunt made a really nice silk quilt wall hanging that I bought, and she wants to know more about me. I also have to go vacuum my car and dispose of all the temporary trash bags I've been accumulating as I've lived out of my car and my friends' places, so I can prepare it for Caitlin.

At the airport, I have to look for my airport toiletries bag, which I think I packed by accident, and swap that out with the actual toiletries bag I've been using but can't take on the plane with me. I hope I can find it, but if not, at the very least I have my toothbrush and travel-sized toothpaste, a small bottle of lotion, and a small enough deodorant stick with me at the moment.

I thought today would be pretty sentimental, and there's still time for that to happen (I really want to find some time to walk around and take photos of stores and areas around town that I haven't yet, and I hope I can, and to drop in on a few more people to thank them for all they've done for me these past couple of years)--but in the meantime there's still a lot left to do. It hasn't sunk in that I won't be here tomorrow, that this is it. I don't know when it will sink in--maybe only when I wake up at 5:30 AM tomorrow and take my bags to the bus stop. Definitely when the bus pulls up to the terminal. I'm ready, but thinking about leaving is making me feel like I have a heavy weight in my chest.

In case I don't get another chance...okay, I just sat here for about 15 seconds, staring at the screen and hoping something would come to me. Nothing is. What a daunting prospect this is--I'm leaving my home in Japan for good. I'll view it as a home in future visits, but I know I won't be living here ever again. I've never experienced this sort of heavy finality with any of the transitions I've made so far--it wasn't a big deal when I finished university because I was still in Atlanta anyway. But this, though...this is something else entirely.

Of course I'll keep updating from the other side, about reverse culture shock and the like, but for those of you who've been reading, thank you so much for sticking with this blog and with me these past two years. Hontou ni osewa ni narimashita. My next entry will be from America, so I'll see you on the flip side.

Transitions and tears

2007-08-11T21:24:00.000+09:00

I started this list a few days ago, but ever since I got back from my trip, it's just been go-go-go, nonstop. I'm at Julie's house right now (spent the last two nights here, and the three nights before that at Brian's, and am heading back to Brian's tonight, to watch over stuff while he's in India)--I need to finish doing laundry and head out to run many errands around town (make a copy of her key, go to my BOE and talk to my boss about all sorts of stuff, hopefully close my bank account, finish packing and shipping my things). This is what I've been up to...

- Hakodate - ika odori (squid dance), rude rude rude people
- cool train in between Hakodate/Aomori, with exclamation points on the sign board when we entered the undersea tunnel connecting Hokkaido and Honshu
- Aomori (canceled hostel stay at the last minute) - Nebuta Matsuri was FREAKING AWESOME!
- train mishap, slight layover at Morioka shinkansen station
- Sendai - awesome! Sendai Mediatheque (masks, interactive and traditional art/media exhibits), the nice view of the city from Aoba-jo, spending two days with my wonderful professor and her wonderful family, taking in the really neat Tanabata Matsuri decorations
- return Osaka-Tokushima bus ride - sat next to an older woman who looked startled/horrified once she realized I'd be sitting next to her, and then proceeded to STARE AT ME FOR AN HOUR STRAIGHT
- saw a really sweet teacher I work with give me a big wave and smile in Tokushima Station, which made me feel much, much better
- got home, cleaned my place, my landlord helped me pack out of there
- stayed at Brian's 3 nights, got used to keeping his cats out of my things
- greeted Caitlin, spent ~6 hours 3 days in a row taking her around, helping her out, taking her to all the schools and city hall and giving her a driving lesson
- went out to lunch with two of my favorite eikaiwa ladies (they already said they'll gladly come to America for my wedding, haha)
- went to a farewell dinner (which kind of ended up being the westie post-Group-B-arrival meetup) thrown by the head of the Miyoshi City International Society, then up to the castle/pirate ship park in Mino, where we watched the stars; I saw 11 meteors
- canceled my cellphone account, finally
- had a man, a bus driver who recognized me from his routes in Ikeda, pay for my lunch at Paparagi
- went up to Nishiyama with Chalice and her mother and Julie
- said goodbye to many teachers, to friends, to my lovely eikaiwa students, to my wonderful JTE
- cried quite a bit
- went out for what might have been my last round of karaoke in Japan
- went to watch Awa Odori in Tokushima City last night, on opening night--today's Packing And Shipping Day, so I don't know if I can make it out again tonight...I'll be dancing in the city tomorrow night and spectating in Ikeda Wednesday night
- called my parents today for the first time in a while, and probably for the last time before I leave

It's Monday morning now. Three mornings from now, I'll have left Ikeda and Tokushima and will be in or near Osaka. Three full days--that's all I have left in Japan. The number doesn't mean much to me right now, though. But the reality of the situation is sinking in--dealing with my suitcases and remaining parcels, seeing how Caitlin has begun to redecorate what used to be my apartment, and all the tearful farewells I've gone through and will continue to go through. It's just impossible for me to fathom that this past weekend was my final weekend in Japan, and that next Saturday and Sunday I'll be in Atlanta.

I've thought a lot about what sorts of things I should write in this entry, since it may very well be the last entry I write while I'm still in Japan. I'm coming up blank, though. How do you sum this all up? What can you say to properly capture something like this in words?

I think I may have to do some paper-journal writing and then come back and post it here. I really need to get going--so much to do in such a short time. At least I'm out of my apartment, so that's one big stress behind me.

The trip thus far

2007-08-02T22:20:00.001+09:00

I've had my fill of going out this evening, as I ventured through the crowds gathered for the Port Festival and was witness to the rather strange Ika Odori (squid dance), and dealt with copious amounts of staring (some by wide-eyed kids, some very appraising and disapproving/disdainful sneers by adults), people acting as if the gaijin speaking Japanese was the most hilarious thing they'd ever seen, and people (at the front desk of the hotel) keeping up very basic and bare-bones conversations and looking at my alien registration card that states I've been here for two years and then complimenting me in simpering and overly obsequious tones on how wonderful my Japanese is. Yeah, I'm really enjoying Hakodate so far.

Anyway, since I doubt I'll have any opportunities to get on a computer for an hour or so again to type out this entry in full before I leave, I may as well deliver the bullet points right now.

MONDAY (2007 July 30):
- the wallet/bus fiasco
- train to Okayama, shinkansen to Kobe (probably my last shink ride in Japan)
- doria lunch (with ZUCCHINI--the first time I've eaten zucchini in two years)
- caught my plane, slept the whole time, woke up as the plane hit the tarmac in Sapporo
- went to the hotel (super-tiny Toyoko Inn room, right next to the elevator), meant to lie down for an hour and then go out, and ended up sleeping from 5:30-6:00 PM all the way till 7:00 the next morning

TUESDAY (2007 July 31):
- phone calls to my boss and landlords about apartment/internet stuff (my last keitai calls... *sigh*)
- amused by how many college students were around, because my hotel was across the street from Hokkaido Daigaku, and especially amused that I think they thought I was one of them
- went to Sapporo Art Park, visited the Museum of Contemporary Art (saw Modigliani paintings/sketches and African masks), had lunch, walked around the sculpture garden (too much modern/abstract work; there were a few human statues that I liked)
- got a stamp that refused to dry--even 4 hours later it was still more than half wet
- Engrish sightings: "SWEET / INVITATION / a body of fascination" (on a shirt) and "Chesty" (name of a boutique, printed on a bag)
- spent 2 hours (and a fair amount of money) at the 4-story Sapporo Loft
- saw an older woman with bright lilac hair
- Italian food for dinner, hung out in Starbucks afterwards

WEDNESDAY (2007 August 1):
- 2 weeks and a day till my Japan departure, 4 weeks till my 26th birthday
- totally misread the train schedule--wanted to visit Shiraoi, a town with a lot of Ainu (indigenous northern Japanese tribe, like the Native Americans/First Nations people) artifacts and whatnot, but I read the time the train arrived in Shiraoi and thought that was the time the train departed from Sapporo, and I soundly missed it
- just barely made an hourlong bus to a small Ainu museum/exhibit outside Sapporo--small but very fascinating; I was really enthralled by it
- went to a restaurant called Delhi for dinner--run by 2 Japanese people, serving "Indian-style curry" (not exactly, but still tons more authentic than Masala in Tokushima is)
- wandered around, ignored lots of staring (1. gaijin, 2. solo), holed up in another Starbucks for the night

THURSDAY (2007 August 2 - today):
- caught a morning train west out of Sapporo, sat next to a girl around my age and we had a pleasant conversation about the world and Italy and Japan
- got off at Toya Station, after seeing Showa-Shinzan (volcanic peak formed in WWII; Showa = that particular imperial reign, shinzan = new mountain) from the train
- caught a bus, got off at the Nishiyama Crater Promenade (part of the Usu-zan volcanic complex), walked around several very active craters belching volcanic steam into the air, as well as ruins from that eruption, including a fence and a patch of road that looked like they'd been treated like accordians, scorched and half-buried phone poles and signs, a heavily-dented car, and more, all of which was really amazing and eerie to behold...the Nishiyama crater and others were formed in a big eruption in 2000
- caught a noon bus to Lake Towa, which was when the cellphone fiasco began (the last time I saw my keitai was at 11:54 AM, when I was checking the time as I waited for that bus)
- went to the volcano science museum, which I was very happy with
- as I left around 1:50, prepared to eat lunch and then catch the ropeway up to the top of Usu-zan, I noticed that the bottom pouch of my bag was hanging open, so I closed it, and when I got to a cafe around 2 PM, I took inventory of my belongings, which was when I realized my keitai was missing
- retraced my steps to the volcano science museum, and the staff totally went above and beyond in terms of helping me look around the premises, calling the police to see if anyone had turned in a phone, and putting me in touch with DoCoMo to suspend my account (and on top of that, they gave me a free pack of Lake Toya postcards, even though I was the one imposing on them!)
- as I was leaving, I noticed the same pouch had come unzipped AGAIN! I zipped it and looked through my stuff right there, but nothing had fallen out
- I bought 5 bottles of tea and brought them back to the museum for the workers as a small thank-you gesture for their wonderful show of kindness (and got a totally strange/clueless look from one employee who was there but hadn't been present when the keitai thing went down, heh)
- retraced my steps back to the bus terminal, but no phone--checked with the lady at the terminal, but no phone
- had coffee, went back to Nishiyama, had the bus driver wait for a minute as I got out and looked around the bus stop, but no phone
- realized as we were heading back to the train station that I could have asked the lady at the bus terminal to figure out which driver was driving that route at that time and ask him to check his bus...but it was too late in the day, a thunderstorm had swept in, and I really needed to move on
- caught the train to Hakodate, checked into my hotel, dealt with idiot kids cracking up at my Japanese at the Sunkus as I bought dinner, dealt with staring at the Port Festival/Ika Odori, ate, came back to the hotel

And as for tomorrow...I was really set on going to Osore-zan, this geologically active area that is believed to be the place where the souls of the dead reside, but I'm tired and I've spent so much money on accommodations and especially on train fare so far (much more than I anticipated; the train fare from Sapporo to Hakodate was 2-3 times what I thought it would be), and it's pretty far out of the way. I should have rented a car--probably less money, definitely easier to get around. I think I may go to Aomori, hang out there and try to catch part of the Nebuta Matsuri (big float festival), and then head down to my hostel just outside of Hachinohe. We'll see, though.

Lost my cellphone

2007-08-02T19:30:00.001+09:00

Checking in from my hotel in Hakodate in southwestern Hokkaido.

At some point between noon and 2 PM today, when I was in the vicinity of the Usu-san volcano and Lake Toya, I lost my cellphone. I lost it in precisely the same way that I nearly lost my wallet before I even left--the bottom zipper of the backpack I borrowed came mysteriously open on its own. I tried to recover it, but it's gone.

For the next 2 weeks, the only way to reach me is via internet. If any of you tried contacting me via my cell at any point past noon today, please e-mail me at my personal address, or comment here to reach me. My land line is no more. I'll be canceling my cellphone account entirely (it's just suspended at the moment) when I return to Tokushima. I'll have internet access nearly every day from here on out--maybe not tomorrow because I'm staying at a hostel, but definitely from Saturday onwards until my departure. And I'll be staying with Brian and Julie alternatively, so you can contact me at their apartments in the evenings.

It could have been worse, since I only have two weeks left, but I'm still feeling really irresponsible right now, and I have a lot of people to contact in these next two weeks. This trip has been a comedy of errors--in mainly silly ways, up until now. I hope it gets better after this.

This doesn't bode well for the week

2007-07-30T08:28:00.000+09:00

I'm off to a great start on this trip so far. (No sarcasm whatsoever.) I got to the bus terminal at 7:52 for my 8:00 bus, and went for my wallet to buy a bottle of water--only to realize that 1. my wallet wasn't in my backpack, and 2. the bottom-most zipper on the front of the bag, which opened onto the main section of the bag, had fallen open.

I managed to get a refund processed on my bus ticket JUST in time--as I talked to them about it, the Kobe-bound bus pulled in. I retraced my steps back to the apartment, wondering what I would do if someone had made away with my wallet or where to look in case someone had found it and turned it in.

In an incredible stroke of luck, it had fallen out in my genkan (entranceway to my apartment). I can catch a 9 AM train to Okayama and a shinkansen over to Kobe and arrive only a half-hour after this bus would have, and still not be in any danger of missing my flight.

It sucks, because I was hoping to get 3 solid hours of sleep on the bus (or as solid as you can get on a bus ride) after pulling an all-nighter to clean my apartment, and now that I'm back I'm fading fast. But I can sleep for an hour and a half on the train to Okayama, keep myself awake for 3 hours to get food and get myself to Kobe Airport, and then I can sleep another 2 on the plane to Sapporo.

Have a good week, guys!

Going effing crazy

2007-07-28T14:05:00.000+09:00

I feel like pulling my hair out for not starting on all of this sooner. I have 1.5 days left to pack everything up and clean clean clean clean--AND I have to go to school in the morning for speech contest help, AND I have plans with Sally tomorrow night (postponed from Friday); it'll be the last time we see each other.

Today's going to be very long. I need to unplug my ethernet cable so I can listen to music without getting distracted by the web, especially since I sent out the mass "hi, I'm returning home so here's my contact info" e-mail and have gotten 10-15 responses so far. Those are a great way to say hi to people you may not think to talk to otherwise, but replying each message also takes 5-10 minutes, so...

General checklist of stuff to do...
- ~~generally pack my suitcases, so I know what I have to ship still~~
- ~~pack boxes,~~ ship them (I've sent 2 large boxes of winter clothes and 3 medium-sized boxes of stuff and 2-3 boxes of books so far, as well as my futon via airmail, and I'm still not done. Oof!)
- hit up the 100-yen store in Mikamo (since our new one doesn't open till Monday, which is when I leave for Sapporo--I almost wish I weren't going!) to get new cheapie plastic stuff to replace the cheapie plastic stuff that has miraculously lasted these past 2 years but is grungy and cheapie enough that I can throw it out guilt-free
- vacuum and dust, scrub the kitchen counters and sink, tackle the bathroom, ~~clean off the porch and washing machine~~
- make sure all my important documents and papers (like my pension book and info on how to get my pension refund) are somewhere safe and accessible, and packed into my carry-on
- consider shipping my smallest suitcase back to the US, unless it's cheaper to just check it as an extra piece of luggage (I have 2 big pieces of luggage to be checked, and two carry-on suitcases, and my laptop goes in one--AND my violin, which I will not under any circumstances check)
- find a cylindrical cardboard tube so I can roll up my posters
- take down artwork and cloths off the wall, but photograph the apartment before I do!
- buy a "housewarming" gift for Kanno-sensei, one of my Japanese professors from my Georgia Tech days; I'll be staying at her house (with her mother and brother) for two nights in Sendai
- ~~pack for my 8-day Hokkaido/Tohoku trip next week (shit, I keep forgetting about this)~~
- ~~copy Lonely Planet Hokkaido/Aomori/Miyagi pages, bring plane and bus tickets~~
- ~~find people to claim my spices and lentils and stuff~~
- toss out perishable goods
- sort non-burnable trash and toss it into the bin, since Wednesday is moenai gomi day
- pack stuff I don't have time to ship or deal with into the car, because I still will have a week in Tokushima after I get back, spent crashing either at Brian's or Julie's
- stop writing this freaking list and GET STARTED!

Oh, yeah. MOM! PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE send me that list of things you'd like soon! I still have no clue where to find a doll, and I need to know what size tea strainer you'd like!

Okay, one quick note before I go...it has been suggested to me on more than one occasion that I open the floor to questions. I regret not doing it earlier, but I hope you knew that you were free to ask me questions anytime, and many of you have done so!

If you have any questions about the JET Programme, Tokushima, Shikoku, life in Japan, life in Japan as a foreigner, life in Japan as a woman, life in Japan as an Indian-American, or anything else, ask away! I'll answer them eventually. I've answered many of my friends' questions already, but I'm of course always up for answering more! I just don't know when I'll respond, but I swear I will.